forgiveness works

forgiveness works silently
almost imperceptibly. such
that when we must
do a big forgiveness
its mechanisms remain
mysterious


i keep missing letters
in the words i'm writing
so i'm sure i'm dyslexic
or just smoken
too many bongs


i wore short shorts today only
to sit on nothing
but vinyl seats
next to mirrors and windows
and had trouble
loving myself
for how i look


but i look good
if you know what i mean
but i could always look better
if you know
what i mean


i'm sick of all these
'i look cute today'
feminist selfies
but i'm also very much
aware of my bitterness
and my mourning
for my 19 year old body
that went undocumented
and for the most part
untouched
by any hand
but my own


now at the coming
of age age for hobbits
i feel mostly good
about and in
my body tho
its mechanisms
remain mysterious


when i write you a letter
about forgiveness i feel
embarrassed and pious
and don't know what i'm trying
to say but only that
i need it